Evening Comics Take Aim At Trump's Controversial 'Gold Card' Immigration Program

Late-night's top entertainers devoted their airtime criticizing President Donald Trump's newly launched visa initiative, dubbed the "gold card," characterizing it as a blatant pay-to-play scheme for the wealthy.

The Late Show's Witty Take

Opening his show, Stephen Colbert offered a satirical Christmas tune about the commander-in-chief. "He is making a list, reviewing it twice, and then giving that list to the agents at ICE," he crooned. "Trump ... destroys everything he handles."

Colbert's target was the new initiative that enables foreign citizens to buy U.S. residency for an investment of $1 million dollars, or "top-tier" option for $5 million. An official page pledges processing "in record time."

"A brief message here to affluent applicants: before you fork over the cash, what about Canada?" Colbert remarked.

He pointed out that the card is also designed to "squeeze cash" from firms looking to hire foreign workers, requiring significant costs. "That's a lot of fees, though if you sign up, you additionally get free accommodation at a property of your choosing – as long as it's the a specific Marriott," he said.

"The most thorough background check the U.S. government has ever done," stated Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to make sure these people absolutely are eligible to be in America."

"That's important, you gotta prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "The initial query: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Scathing Critique

On his own show, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the initiative the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"Here's a card that will let wealthy foreigners to live here," he said. "For a million dollars, you get legal resident status, you get a route to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one serious crime of your selection."

"Maybe it's time to update that message on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your tired masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he added.

Kimmel lampooned the brevity of the form, noting it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "thinks citizenship is something you can sell, like a timeshare."

"That's right, the finest people are the rich people," Kimmel quipped. "That's what Jesus always said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you give the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers on Economic Concerns

On another network, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's declining poll numbers amid financial anxiety. "People gave Donald Trump a second term because they were upset about the economy," he noted.

Recently, in a effort to discuss prices, Trump conducted a press conference in front of a selection of food items, where he behaved peculiarly to some cereal.

"These look great, I think I'm going to take some of them back to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a ages."

"He is so extremely weird," Meyers said. "What do you mean, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What are you gonna do with those Cheerios?"

Meyers concluded by mocking right-leaning media arguments of Trump's economic record. "Maybe rather than complaining, you should give him a sparkling trophy like the one FIFA did," he joked.