These Phrases from A Dad Which Rescued Me during my time as a New Father

"I believe I was just trying to survive for the first year."

Former Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey thought he would to handle the challenges of being a father.

But the reality rapidly became "completely different" to what he pictured.

Life-threatening health issues during the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Abruptly he was forced into acting as her chief support while also looking after their infant son Leo.

"I handled all the nights, each diaper… each outing. The job of mother and father," Ryan shared.

Following nearly a year he reached burnout. It was a talk with his parent, on a bench in the park, that led him to understand he required support.

The direct phrases "You are not in a good spot. You must get support. How can I assist you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, seek support and regain his footing.

His experience is far from unique, but seldom highlighted. Although people is now better used to discussing the stress on moms and about PND, far less attention is paid about the challenges fathers face.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to seek assistance

Ryan feels his difficulties are linked to a wider reluctance to communicate between men, who continue to hold onto negative notions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the harbour wall that just gets smashed and remains standing every time."

"It is not a show of being weak to ask for help. I didn't do that quick enough," he explains.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist who studies mental health pre and post childbirth, notes men can be reluctant to acknowledge they're finding things difficult.

They can feel they are "not the right person to be requesting help" - especially in preference to a new mother and infant - but she highlights their mental state is equally important to the unit.

Ryan's conversation with his dad provided him with the space to request a respite - going on a few days abroad, outside of the domestic setting, to get a fresh outlook.

He realised he needed to make a adjustment to consider his and his partner's emotions in addition to the practical tasks of caring for a infant.

When he shared with Louise, he discovered he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

Reparenting yourself'

That insight has changed how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now writing Leo letters each week about his journey as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan hopes these will enable his son to better grasp the expression of emotion and interpret his parenting choices.

The idea of "reparenting" is something artist Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen lacked consistent male parenting. Despite having an "incredible" connection with his dad, profound difficult experiences caused his father struggled to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, making difficult their relationship.

Stephen says bottling up feelings led him to make "terrible decisions" when in his youth to change how he was feeling, finding solace in substance use as a way out from the hurt.

"You turn to behaviours that are harmful," he notes. "They might short-term modify how you feel, but they will eventually make things worse."

Tips for Managing as a First-Time Parent

• Share with someone - if you're feeling overwhelmed, speak to a friend, your other half or a counsellor what you're going through. This can to lighten the load and make you feel less alone.
• Remember your hobbies - make time for the things that allowed you to feel like the person you were before the baby arrived. This might be exercising, meeting up with mates or playing video games.
• Pay attention to the body - a good diet, getting some exercise and if you can, resting, all are important in how your mind is coping.
• Spend time with other parents in the same boat - listening to their stories, the challenges, along with the joys, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Know that seeking help is not failure - prioritising you is the optimal method you can support your loved ones.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the loss, having had no contact with him for a long time.

As a dad now, Stephen's committed not to "continue the chain" with his own son and instead provide the safety and nurturing he did not receive.

When his son threatens to have a outburst, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - processing the frustrations in a healthy way.

Both Ryan and Stephen say they have become better, healthier men since they confronted their struggles, altered how they talk, and learned to manage themselves for their children.

"I'm better… dealing with things and dealing with things," states Stephen.

"I put that down in a letter to Leo recently," Ryan adds. "I said, sometimes I think my purpose is to guide and direct you what to do, but actually, it's a two-way conversation. I am understanding just as much as you are in this journey."